Thursday, August 4, 2011

What If?

Lately I've wondered if I will ever become a mother. When analyzing this I am not being cynical rather I am genuinely considering the possibility that this may be the direction my life takes. Road blocks have seemingly been the name of the game on the journey to adoption. And while I haven't totally given up on the process I also would like to come to a point where I am just as happy and fulfilled with not having a child.

I have thrown myself into my career. I work three very creative jobs that keep me busy and I couldn't love them more. Maybe this is what I am meant to do. What if I am not meant to parent a baby? What if my life is supposed to be enjoyed with my hubby and dogs as my immediate family members? Could the events of the past few years be Gods way of pointing me in a different direction? With all these questions floating around in my head I find myself praying for clarity. I believe a greater since of peace must be in store for me...I'm just not sure when or how it will come about.


lifeafteranorexia said...

I think you will be a wonderful mother, but I'm glad to see that you're able to take steps toward being satisfied even if motherhood isn't in your future. Maybe it will take this sort of realization for the adoption process to finally be fulfilled, if that makes sense? All the best to you. I know that the future, whatever it holds, is going to be amazing because you are amazing.

Jonelle said...

I've been in the same place as you with the 'what if' thoughts.

Right now I'm in a place where I just want to know 'yes' or 'no' if we are meant to have a child through adoption or not. If we are, then great! If we are not, then I best get started preparing my heart for a child-free life. Don't get me wrong I love my life and my Family of two status, but I just want to be happy, you know?