Hey bloggy friends, I haven't been meaning to keep you in the dark on the whole adoption fiasco but I just haven't had any news to share. We still don't have an answer. Here are some random thoughts I've managed to type out over the last few days...
A strange mix of fear and hope has entranced me since we received the call from our social worker last Thursday night. I have been able to think of little else then our potential birth mother. The weekends events and my routine responsibilities have kept me sane....until today. Our social worker said she'd call us with the news either Tuesday or Wednesday. I took off of work early...my mind was just not with it. I feel like all I have experienced for the past 24 hours are pure nerves. I am shocked I even managed a couple hours of sleep last night. When day broke all I thought was "Thank you Lord the night is over!" Now I just have to get through today.
Well, no call from the social worker yesterday so I guess that means we will be receiving one today. Hubster feels that we probably were not picked since we didn't hear anything. But I still secretly hold out hope...I mean, we haven't officially been told no. The day is hellish. My blackberry is literally a new body part. I have it on loud and vibrate and attached to me but I still keep checking it every couple minutes...I've gone insane. When 6pm rolls around hubster calls our social worker who says that she still hasn't heard any news from the birth mom on her decision but that she will call immediately when she does. That gives us a little hope that maybe we are still "in the running".
I haven't slept all week.
Well, that isn't 100% true but I've only gotten a couple hours every night since Monday. My nerves are terrible! Now I just want the comfort of knowing what is going on...I am ok with whatever the answer is...I just want to know. Today I reflect on how this is a lesson of trust and patients for me. That seems to calm me down. Work has actually been such a blessing that last few days because it allows me to preoccupy my mind. I don't check my phone as much today but I do have it with me all the time. I am starting to feel more at peace. We don't receive a call.
Last night I actually managed 6 whole hours of sleep! Which compared to the rest of the week is pure bliss!! I really am hoping and praying we get a call today because then hubster and I can enter the weekend without this huge question mark hanging over our heads. Maybe I am nieve but I still hold a sliver of hope. And I think I will until I hear the official decision. Please say a prayer for us!