I have been sort of hesitant to share our journey to having a child on my blog. For me it is a very private thing. I don’t tell anyone except my husband and my parents.
I’ve decided that it might be good for me, even therapeutic, to write our journey thus far. Writing has been such a great outlet for me my entire life. And I came to realize that I have never once written about this particular part of my life…even in my personal journal. So here goes!
I’ve wanted to have a baby ever since we got married September of 2007. But at that point I was still in the middle of recovery from my eating disorder. I had a lot of work to do, and some weight to gain before pregnancy was even an option. So for a year and a half I struggled to do what I needed to do in order to prepare my body for a child. I sought therapy and gained more weight.
At my Doctors appointment in August of ’09 I was given the green light to start baby making. I was pretty excited. She felt I should be able to become pregnant!
So we started TTC.
We realized after a number of months that AF wasn’t exactly regular and that we could never predict exactly when I would O. So we sought the help of a fertility specialist. She put me on clomid. Thankfully the clomid regulated AF and I started to O regularly. But still no + on that darn stick!!!
Hubers and I started to discuss how far with infertility treatments we were willing to go.
I want to stress that the following is just our own personal decision. It’s not what we feel is best for everyone, but because of our personalities and our pasts this is what is best for us.
We came to the conclusion that we would not go past the clomid. We were fine with them increasing the dosage if they felt that would help. But anything past that step we were not going to try.
There were a number reasons for that choice. We felt that if after the clomid I was not pregnant God was leading us in a different direction, so why fight it? We believe strongly in adoption and have been touched by the need for good adoptive parents.
The other reason for not going past clomid was personal to me. I had been in and out of hospitals throughout high school…the idea of going through all that medical treatment was a little daunting. We both felt that forcing a baby to come from me when there are children waiting for homes didn’t seem right.
So my hubby and I agreed that adoption would be a better use of our money then infertility treatments.
We decided to keep TTC but also start the search for an adoption agency.
As of now I am still on clomid and we are not completely ruling out me becoming pregnant. We are also registered at 2 adoption agencies and we are in the waiting process with them to start our home study.
So there you have it…our journey so far! I am really praying that we will get word from one of the agencies soon…either that or I will finally become pregnant myself.
Please keep us in your prayers.