Friday, August 14, 2015

Stay At Home Mom & Working Mom

I must admit, I never envisioned my life like this, but who has a journey that goes exactly as planned anyway? At the start of us TTC we discussed what would be best for me as a new mommy and we agreed that working part time would be essential to my happiness. Getting out and contributing to the world of fashion was important to my creativity and little did I know at the time, my mental health.

But things changed dramatically with our move. 1200 miles away from our support system and childcare that was trustworthy and affordable, I found myself a stay at home mom. WOW, what a shift! I loved my extra time with the boys but I'll admit, I struggled with feeling isolated. Not only did I not have any friends or family in my new city, but my outlet was gone. I found myself missing the boutique more than what I expected. The pain was really intense, I can only describe it as a true loss. At first it was embarrassing to admit, but it felt as though I had said goodbye to part of myself. My heart literally ached thinking about it. So I didn't.

Eventually though the sadness bubbled to the surface and it was something I had to address. Soul searching and self discovery were the things I experienced over the next couple years. I learned how to be content as a mom and nothing more. I taught myself to find joy in the little things and get creative even when I felt down. I got to know my sons and to take in their personalities. We developed a very strong bond, one I am proud of. Being a stay at home mom was not better or worse than being a working was just different. 

I feel the struggle of all moms. If you work I get the difficulty of finding balance. If you stay at home I get the isolation and the longing for adult interaction. Whatever you do, it is not easy. But nothing can replace the joy of providing for your little one...whether it is through going to work or by staying with them.

For now I am still a stay at home mom and I'm finding contentment in that. Are there days I long to work a shift at the boutique? Of course! But I know it is not forever and eventually I'll have the opportunity to re-enter the work force. Right now I am enjoying the moment. And these boys make the moment pretty sweet.

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